Obituary of Patricia Decker

Patricia Gersting Decker, 87, of Rocky Hill, CT, formerly of Bradenton, FL and Allegany, NY, passed away on October 21st with her two loving daughters by her side. Pat was born on October 13th, 1925 in Franklinville, NY. She was the daughter of the late Rena and Elmer Gersting. She was a graduate of Ten Broeck Free Academy. Pat married the love of her life, Joseph Henry Decker, on June 6th, 1948, and had recently celebrated 64 years of marriage shortly before Joe passed away this June 16th. She was also predeceased by her first-born child, James Douglas Decker, and her step brother and sister, Robert Jackson and Isabelle Jackson White. Pat had many happy and healthy years. While in Allegany, she worked for Bradner's Department Store, and also enjoyed skiing. In retirement, she loved the heat and sunshine of Florida, where she played golf and walked extensively. Most of all, she was a devoted wife, mom and homemaker, all of which she took very seriously. She will always be remembered for her love and appreciation of the simple things in life—sipping a cold beer with Joe, dining out on scallops, her morning frappucino or vanilla chai, watching sports on TV, and her bedtime bowl of ice cream. A number of years ago, Pat was diagnosed with scleroderma. She battled it courageously until the end. Even as her body grew weak, her mind was amazingly strong. But after losing Joe, she found it difficult to persevere. We hope and have faith that they have been happily reunited, along with other loved ones, in a place without pain or sorrow. Pat leaves behind her daughters, Deborah (husband Bruce) Henry and Julie (husband Michael) Hermsen, 4 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren. Memorial donations may be made to either the Scleroderma Foundation-Attn: Donations, 300 Rosewood Drive, Suite 105, Danvers, MA 01923, or the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, PO Box 4527, NY, NY 10163. A Tribute to Mom Looking back, growing up in Allegany, NY was about as good as it gets. Relatively small and safe, it offered a kid a place to roam around and explore the great outdoor, play with other kids, ride bikes, go on hikes, hang out downtown. Most of those things were sanctioned by, but not overseen, by our parents. The beauty of that lifestyle was that it helped teach us responsibility and gave us a lot of independence. But I knew my parents were always there for me, especially Mom. While my Dad was working, Mom was always watching out for me. She knew whom I was with, where I was going, and when I was expected home. Mom did so much for me growing up and throughout my life, it is difficult to know where to begin and end. As a small kid, I wanted a dog in the worst way. Dad was opposed (the cost, the responsibility, etc…). As a good parent does, Mom outwardly supported Dad's position. But behind the scenes, I knew she was fighting for me. In the end, with her help, we found a solution. Although it was not my idea of "perfect", it helped me a lot. We essentially became surrogates for all the dogs that ran around our neighborhood, who were often taken for granted by their owners. Thankfully, there were no leash laws where we lived. Those we partially adopted were not abused animals in any way, they just weren't pampered as much at their "real" homes as they were at ours. At first it started out with buying little dog biscuits to give them as treats. Nothing keeps a dog coming around quite like a treat coupled with lots of love and belly rubs! Dad was a little leery of this development, but his heart gradually melted. Before we knew it, he would be out in the garage with a rag cleaning off the dog's paws so he could let them in the house!!! Mom and I couldn't believe it. And that is how we came to be great companions of Snoopy, Wendy, and Candy. Mom was so happy for me when, after I married and my husband and I bought a house, that I was finally able to have a dog. In every phone conversation with her, she would ask about everyone, including her favorite Black Lab, Sadie. When I was in third grade, I woke up one morning with tiny red spots on the tops of my feet. They didn't hurt, but mom was worried, and got me into the pediatrician immediately. By the time we got to his office, I was getting the spots in other places, and we would soon learn that they were small hemorrhages. I had a serious blood disease, and my clotting mechanism was failing. I was rushed to the hospital facing a life-threatening condition. I had never seen my Mom so upset. Soon Dad was there, as was a team of doctors, and I was instructed to move as little as possible. I was not allowed out of bed. Mom was with me constantly, the ultimate caregiver. Thankfully, my condition responded to steroids, and I gradually recovered. I think that Mom's fear of losing me changed her forever. We had been told that the condition might recur, and she found it difficult to overcome that fear. In 5th grade, I did something that Mom forbid me to do. This wasn't typical of me. I bought 2 mice from my science teacher, using 50 cents of my own money, and brought them home in a mesh-lined cardboard container. They were just little babies. One was tan, and one was white with black spots. Mom was in the middle of scolding me about going against her wishes when one of the mice crawled up the mesh and stuck its little nose over the top of the container. Mom screamed and jumped up on our couch. I will never forget that moment. After she calmed down, she reluctantly allowed me to keep them, probably still feeling badly about not having a dog, and quickly took me out to get a real cage, bedding, food, and all the other stuff that rodents need. She ultimately came to love Sleepy and Spot as much as I did, and she would even hold them and pet them, and feed them special treats. When I was in 8th grade, my sister Debbie went off to college. Mom and Dad were so proud. It was one of their greatest dreams—to see us go to college. We all missed her outgoing personality and presence around the house. I was the quiet one, and it was a big change when she left. In addition to her absence, Dad worked all day at Dresser, and then he usually worked at the airport doing flight instruction or mechanical work during the evenings. On the weekends, he would also spend a lot of time at the airport, and would squeeze in a round of golf when he could. That left a lot of time where Mom and I were alone together, and it became a special time for the two of us as a result. We developed a few favorite routines. When Dad was golfing, we would go out for dinner. Nothing fancy. One of our favorite spots was the Tastee Freeze. We would usually get their famous ground beef sandwich, which was similar to a "sloppy Joe", along with our favorite drink, an orange slush. We would sit in the car and eat and talk, because the place was just a little drive-in with a couple of picnic tables that were usually occupied. After we finished that, we would get an ice cream cone. What could be better than that?!? Around that time, Mom was also working part-time at Bradner's Department Store in Olean. She enjoyed working there, as it gave her a little spending money and she liked the people there. It also allowed her to get discounts on everything they sold. The store had the nicest clothes in town, and mom would always keep her eyes open for things that my sister or I might like. While Mom and Dad were very careful with their money, Mom always made sure we had nice things to wear and good shoes on our feet. She rarely spent much on herself, as she took more pleasure in giving things to Debbie and me. When I was a freshman in high school, I became completely enthralled with gymnastics. There was a new gym teacher at school, Mr. Bess, who was amazing at virtually every apparatus, and his enthusiasm was contagious. I was too tall to be a great gymnast, but I was one of two freshman selected to be in the wildly popular gymnastics show that year. I was training hard on the balance beam, the event in which I would participate, when I did a leap and landed hands first onto the mats on the floor below. The mats covered the beams braces, but the braces were about 3" high. When I landed hands first, my right hand landed where the brace was. The two bones in my right forearm snapped. So, I was off to the hospital once again, this time via ambulance. I think Mom was the first one to arrive. After getting the call from school, she must have driven faster than the ambulance! The break was a bad one. I lost all feeling in my thumb and first two fingers. Doctors set the bones, casted the arm and sent me home. Unfortunately, the bones did not stay set in the correct position, so a month after the fall, I had to have surgery. They reset the bones, did a bone graft from my hip, and put a plate and rod in my arm. Of course, I was right handed, so mom had to help me with all of my homework for the 4 months I was in a cast. I was taking algebra at the time, which called for a lot of graphing. I also had a teacher, Miss Karl, who just piled on the homework. Although Mom worked with me for hours every night, she was a willing participant. But I will never forget how she complained about how much algebra homework there was, and questioned the necessity of giving us so many problems! What I realized more than ever at that time was that Mom would have done anything for me. She was always there to help me get through any adversity I faced. I also realized that she really excelled at math. She could add and subtract in her head more quickly than anyone else I knew. I am certain that my Mom could have had a professional career if she had grown up in a different day and age. As I got older and spent more and more time going out with my friends, it would always be Mom who would sit up at night and wait until I got home before she went to bed. I knew it was late for her, but she said she couldn't sleep until she knew I was home safely. And then I finally went off to college. Again, as with Debbie, she was so proud. But it is hard when the youngest child leaves, and the house becomes so quiet. That was the era before cell phones, and I was too far away to go home or have Mom and Dad visit, so the best we could do was to have a pre-arranged time once a week when they would call me on the pay phone closest to my dorm room. To the best of my recollection, however, I received a handwritten letter from Mom nearly every day when I was in college. She would tell me what she had done during the day, or relay any local gossip, and then apologize that she didn't have anything more interesting to tell me. She would write that she just wanted me to have mail in my box so I knew she was thinking of me. She cried when we parted for any length of time, whether it was going back to school, or in later years, going back to wherever I happened to be living. Other than being so far from her daughters and their families, I think Mom really loved living in Florida. She and Dad enjoyed the heat and sunshine, being able to get outside and walk or golf, or just do whatever. In the early part of their retirement, they enjoyed travelling to many states around the U.S., and many countries around the world. And in the later years, they enjoyed coming to Upper Nyack to celebrate Thanksgiving and to Glastonbury in the summers to dog sit for Sadie. Mom loved the simple things in life—sitting outside on a sunny day sipping a cold beer with Dad, having a frappucino in the morning, or on colder days, a vanilla chai. Mom liked to eat out, and especially enjoyed scallops, which she had for dinner on her recent birthday. She liked a bowl of ice cream before going to bed. She loved to watch sports on TV, and followed golf, baseball, football and college basketball as closely as any sports enthusiast. She was not shy about expressing which teams, coaches or players she liked or disliked. She also kept track of all the teams her family supported, and could tell you who won a game or how the teams compared with each other. It made for good banter. A number of years ago, Mom was diagnosed with scleroderma, an autoimmune disease that affected her physically in many ways. She battled it courageously until the end. Even as her body grew weak, her mind remained amazingly sharp. She had a strong will and spirit, but ultimately she missed Dad so much after he passed away in June that it was difficult for her to persevere. I hope and have faith that they have been happily reunited, along with other loved ones, in a place without pain or sorrow. I want to thank mom for all that she did for me over my lifetime. Although it was too short, and her time here in Connecticut was more challenging for her than I had hoped, I am happy to have spent the last few months with her nearby. We were able to do some of the things we had enjoyed doing when we were younger. We went out to eat, we shopped, we talked, we hugged, we laughed, and we cried. I hope it was of some comfort to her. Rest in peace, Mom. All my love, Julie